Speaking out of turn

A bloke is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "Christ!" he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?"

"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes

1) That's not right ......................... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man ................................ Dum Fuk

5) Small Horse ............................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach? .................. Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped into a coffee table .............. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift ..............Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here .................... Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet ............. Wai Yu Mun Ching?

11) This is a tow away zone .................. No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao?

13) Staying out of sight ..................... Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile ............. Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great .................................... Fa Kin Su Pah

Stuttering

Little Johnny, stuttering, asked his mom, "Mmmama why I tttalk like ttthis."?"I don't know ask your dad."Little Johnny went to his dad and asked, "Dddad why I tttalk like ttthis!"?"I don't know ask your sister."So Little Johnny asked his sister and she said she didn't know. Little Johnny was in the yard kickin rocks when the postman walks up. Little Johnny asked, "MMMr. why I tttalk like ttthis!"?The postman replied, "BBBoy ggget away fffrom me bbbefore I ggget in tttrouble!!!

Womb

On a bus one day were two boys and a middle aged woman reading her book.

The two small boys were having a deep heated discussion on the subject of
spelling.

"It would be spelt W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B"

"No its not. It's spelt W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B"

The lady leaned over and said, "Excuse me boys, but I think you'll find the
word is spelled W-O-M-B".

The first boy looks at the other, and then back at the lady, and replies,
"Ya know lady, I bet you've never even seen a hippopotamus, let alone ever
heard one fart underwater

W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B